Tough Days

Tough Days – 05/07/2011

Any of you out there who are going through something similar know what it's like to have tough days. Sometimes they happen often and last long, other times they just appear after weeks of good days. Either way the tough days are, well, just that.

Today is a tough day for me. I can't tell you why it is- I honestly don't know. I woke up this morning to the warm sun shining on my face and wonderful puppy kisses on my hand. Waking up like that leaves no reason for it to be a bad day.

Today is Saturday. Sleep in day. Saturday mornings usually entail my husband getting up first (after saying good morning to me with a kiss on my shoulder), letting our dog go outside, and making coffee. Depending on how early he gets up, he usually puts the kettle on for my tea. Our dog comes back in and climbs in bed with me, and I get up about a half hour later to the feel of our dog curled up against me, the smell of coffee wafting through the house and the sounds of the news on tv.

This is the 6th Saturday that I've woken up without this. I miss waking up either knowing he's right next to me, or rolling over and feeling the warmth from where he was laying next to me. I miss the smell of his coffee in the morning and the souunds of the news. I miss knowing that when I wake up he's there waiting to give me a hug and kiss and tell me how beautiful I look, bedhead and all. Most of all, I miss feeling safe and loved in his arms. Which is why today is a bad day.

I know I should be used to being alone by now, the military always finds some reason to send my husband away (courses, tours, etc). And I always find a way to stay strong, positive (to a point) and really get through the time that he's gone. Once in awhile (like today) these bad days sneak up on me. I used to think the bad days meant I was weak. I would have a bad day and say to myself to stop crying, stop being so pathetic, or just to get over it. You know what I found out? Saying things like that just make it worse and make you angry with yourself for being so negative. Now I just let myself have the bad day. If I want to cry, I'll cry. But I never tell myself anymore that I'm weak or pathetic. I call my parents, my grandmother or my friends and I talk or cry with them. Today, for example, I called some friends and organized a Ladies Night at the mall- dinner and a movie.

There's no way to get around the bad days but there ways to try to make them better.

In writing this, I am not looking for sympathy from people who read it. I just want anyone else who feels this way to know that there's nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed by. I only hope that my sharing will help someone else get through their own tough day, no matter what the reason)