A Little Disconnected

A Little Disconnected 09/19/11

So my husband left to go on course on August 28th. I should be happy about that because he left later than he was supposed to. And he should be home soon than expected too. He was originally supposed to be home sometime in December, then it changed to the first week of November and now he may be able to get home late October. Which makes this course one of the shorter ones over the last couple of years.

But knowing how quick this course could be over doesn't make being apart any easier this time. When I first heard about this course I thought it would be easy. I mean, we've been apart so much pretty much since we met that one more course shouldn't really make a difference right? Well I was wrong. This is probably the hardest course, for me, that we've been through yet. He's been gone a total of 23 days and I feel like it's been months. Every time he leaves he takes a little piece of me with him but this time I really feel like a huge part of me is gone too. I've been sitting at home for three weeks trying to figure out why this one is so different and I can't really come up with anything.
I think part of it has to do with all the new things going on in our little world. He left for course and I started my last semester of university. It's keeping me really busy but I really miss coming home and seeing his smiling face every night. I miss going to bed, cuddling with him and talking about our days, our worries about the baby and what we're looking forward to. And every day when I look in the mirror I see some new change in my body or I have some new feeling happen. I'm keeping as many notes as possible to keep him up to date on all of the baby excitement but I'm finding it really hard  to feel excited when I'm alone in the house. And honestly Titan just doesn't understand why his mom has a big belly so he's not much help either! Sometimes I really wish dogs could talk!

I guess that's why I'm feeling a bit disconnected. From my husband, from my baby. I'm even having a hard time finding the motivation I need to get through my school work. I know I should be used to us being apart but I really feel like we're both missing out on so much time with each other. Telling your husband that you've felt your baby kick for the first time or commenting on how your belly has grown an inch in only three days just isn't the same on the phone. Hearing the excitement in his voice is wonderful but I really would have loved to be able to hug him that day too.

I don't know about you other wives out there but the distance this time is tough. It's hard to always put on a brave face and to be supportive all the time. I'm looking forward to having him home on parental leave so I can stop sharing him with military, at least for a little while. I usually try to be as positive as I can when I write to you all but I also promised to be honest every time. So today, I'm being honest and admitting this time is tough for me.

Sometimes we have to let ourselves have days like this where we admit that we're having a hard time, go to bed and start fresh in the morning. That sounds like a good plan for tonight.