Routine

Routine 06/07/2011

One of the hardest things about the military lifestyle is how often families are separated and forced to spend time apart. The family dynamic that we all strive to achieve is disrupted and family members are left to go on with their daily lives, wondering how their loved ones are doing, what is going on in their lives and so much more. The people who leave know how they are all the time and the ones left at home need to find their own routines to help them get through the days.

Almost as soon as my husband leaves for a course or deployment, Titan and I get into our "Daddy's gone" routine (yep, our dog knows us as "Mommy" and "Daddy"). Our routine isn't all that drastic from what we do when my husband is home, we just find new ways to fill our time. We get into a new walking routine, going every day after supper for 40 minutes. For the longest time, my husband tried to keep Titan off the furniture but he really loves to sit on the couch and look out the window. So during the last tour, I worked with Titan to train him to sit on a blanket on the couch. Now he can look out the window but he's not technically on the couch (yes, that's how I justified it but it worked!). There are also new ways to get him to come in the house (huskies love to be outside and Titan pretty much always wants to be out!) and new times that he gets treats. None of our routine changes are big but Titan learns very quickly that I'm the boss of the house and when my husband comes home it gets a bit confusing for him. It's an adjustment for everyone but we manage.

I often wonder how other families cope when the loved one returns home from a course or deployment. A friend of mine mentioned that when her fiance came home for his three weeks off, they argued and disagreed more than they used to. She asked me if it was like that for us too. That was actually when I decided to share the story of the potato fight. Tensions are always high pre-deployment but sometimes that tension and the little stresses carry over to post-deployment too, which can really affect how families and couples cope with the transition when everyone is together again. In the four years that my husband and I have been together, we have been apart more than we've been together (at least it feels like it!) and we have worked really hard together to make the transitions easier on our relationship. One of the biggest things I have noticed, that really helps us, is communication. We pretty much always say what's on our mind, sometimes over talking things, but in the end we come out with a result, or at least a compromise.

When my husband came home 11 days ago for his vacation from his third tour of Afghanistan, I was worried about how things would be when he came home, especially with his injuries from the helicopter crash. I didn't really know what his mindset would be or how his rehab would affect him and how it would affect us. I didn't know he was coming home so I didn't have time to prepare myself for his return. Last night he told me how happy he is to be home and how he loves how easily we fit back into our regular routine and I realized I had nothing to worry about. When we're apart we're really good at sharing our feelings with each other so we're usually prepared for whatever mindset the other is in. This time ended up not being any different. I'm still amazed at how quickly our sense of normalcy happens. When we talked about this last night, I told him that I think our routine starts again as soon as I hand him the keys to the truck. He gets to drive (which he loves) and I get a break from driving the monster sized truck (which I love). At home, we're back to me cooking dinner for two, with him helping with dishes or just keeping Titan occupied. We also go back to cooking some meals together. A couple of nights ago we did homemade fish and chips. It's not a hard thing to make but it's time consuming so we split the work up and spend time together. I swear the food tastes so good because we have so much fun making it.

I have to admit that I am really proud of us both. We're both young and we're newlyweds (only 9 months in!) and we seem to have a good handle on our marriage. We (somehow) have figured out how to work together when we're both home or when he's away to make our family life grow and change at the same pace.