Baby Blog #3- A Whole New World

Baby Blog #3- A Whole New World- 03/23/2012

"Having a baby is like falling in love all over again- both with your husband and with your child." A friend of mine wrote this after the birth of her first child and I thought it was one of the most beautiful things I'd read. And now I know what she meant.

I went to the hospital on February 16th and was a jumble of nerves. I was having a planned c-section so I was nervous about the surgery. I was scared that I might have done something wrong while I was pregnant and the baby wouldn't be healthy. And I was just wondering the entire time about all the of things that were about to change in my life. I tried to keep how I was feeling under control because I knew my husband was just as worried and scared as I was and I wanted to be strong for him. When the nurses brought me into the operating room, away from my husband for a few minutes, the emotions really started to show. I just couldn't believe that the moment we'd waited 38 1/2 weeks for was finally here.

I've had a few surgeries in the past but was always asleep for them so the whole idea of a c-section was a little odd to me. I was so scared I was going to feel pain and discomfort. All I felt was this wonderful sensation of being warm. I was laying on the operating table with a big curtain in front of my face, my arms out to the side, looking up at the big lights and the hospital-white walls and wondering if the baby was a boy or a girl, what he or she would look like and really how the whole process worked. And when my husband came into the room and sat next to my head I was thinking about how weird it was that I was already cut open and they were letting him walk around. I'm so glad he was able to be there for the delivery though- I don't think I would have been able to do it without him.

As weird as it was to be awake during surgery, it was amazing to be able to talk to my husband and to know what he was thinking and how he was feeling throughout. He has always been my biggest comfort, so having him there made me a lot less nervous. I ended up just being really excited about it all, more for him than me even. I was lying on the table with the doctors working away on the other side of the curtain and we were talking about all of our thoughts and our excitement about becoming parents and a nurse poked her head over the curtain. She asked if we wanted to see the baby first before knowing the sex or if we wanted the doctor to tell us. We didn't realize we had a choice but decided the doctor could tell us and within 30 seconds, we had the announcement.

Tears started to flow from us both and then we heard the cry- the most amazing sound I have ever heard! A nurse brought the baby around so we could see and I had this overwhelming wave of feelings and emotions come over me-  I was looking at the most beautiful person I had ever seen. And couldn't believe that this little person was a part of me and my husband. I had no idea that it was possible to feel that much love for someone in such a short amount of time, without having any physical contact. I looked at my husband and watched him as he got to touch his baby for the first time. I saw this tiny little hand reach up and grab on to his finger and saw a look of awe on my husband's face. Again, the wave of emotions came over me and I found out what it was like to fall in love with my husband again but to love him in a different way. For five years I have loved him as my boyfriend, my fiance, my husband and really my best friend. But now when I look at him I see all of that, love all of that, but I also love him as the father of my child and the man who has made my life whole.

We brought our baby home on February 18th and it has been fun, stressful, exhausting and wonderful all at the same time. We have finally gotten a routine in place and have been able to enjoy seeing as our baby grows and discovers the things around us. Our lives have been forever changed but in the best way they could be.