Baby Blog #1

Baby Blog #1 08/12/11

Pre-reading note: This blog is for all of my fellow mom's-to-be and moms, military and non. I've been trying to figure out how to include this new chapter in my life in my blogs, without taking away from what I normally write about. So this is the first of three baby blogs that I'll be writing- one at the end of each trimester. Please feel free to comment back to me as well, whether you agree, disagree or have a completely different view or opinion than I have. This is all a whole lot of firsts for me and I welcome some feedback from all of your experiences...

As my first trimester (finally!!) comes to an end, I've been thinking a  lot about the last three months. What I've been feeling, what I would do different and my overall feelings about this whole pregnant thing. There are definitely a lot of pros and cons about it all. Some of what I've been feeling is hard and pretty embarrassing to admit but I've heard from others that it's not uncommon, which makes me feel better. For awhile I was really feeling like my "mom gene" was switched off at some point. I haven't really enjoyed being pregnant yet. I guess for this blog I'm going to lay everything out in two categories. The Negatives (just because I always prefer the bad news first) and the Positives (might as well end it on a good note).

The Negatives
Obviously my first negative is going to be the morning sickness. And oh my have I been sick! I know a lot of people had it a lot worse than me but wow, it's been very difficult. I think I actually knew I was pregnant before taking the test because all of a sudden I was exhausted, napping constantly and oh so nauseous. From about week number two until week nine I was nauseous from the moment I woke up until the moment I went to bed. I'd take a nap in the afternoon just to get some relief. It was honestly like being hungover and not being able to sick but instead of being fine the next day, it would be a daily thing. Things are getting a bit better now, I'm usually fine about the late afternoon but evenings are still difficult.

And on top of being sick all the time, my moods have been ridiculous. So much so that I apologize to my husband for being psychotic. Really. For the first few weeks I was so incredibly moody- happy one minute, crying the next and wanting to break something from being angry the next. Thankfully, that's calmed down too. A lot!

I don't know about other mom's-to-be but ever since we found out that I'm pregnant, I've slowly felt pieces of me slipping away. It's strange but I feel like I've lost complete control of my own body and really my sense of self. I kind of feel like I'm a visitor in my own body and that all I am is an incubator for this little life that growing. Feeling like this really takes away a lot of the excitement. It also has made me a bit resentful towards the baby (see what I mean about embarrassing things to admit?).

And the last negative is the lack of privacy surrounding the whole pregnancy. If I could go back, I would probably not tell people as soon as we did. I was only about five weeks along when we told people and that's really not enough time for the parents-to-be to really process everything as a couple. Once we told the news, people were shopping immediately and giving advice (whether it was wanted or not). And the more I shop for things for our baby, the more I get scolded for shopping, getting told to save things for others to buy for us. Is it really so awful that I want to buy things for my own child?
My husband and I had obviously discussed what we wanted to do to raise our own kids and we shared some of those ideas with people, only to have it shot down and criticized. I think if I have another person give me a snarky "Good luck with that" over using cloth diapers, I'll probably scream. And the fact that everyone thinks it's their business to know everything, like how much weight I've gained, whether or not I'll breast feed (and then giving me grief if I choose not to because "It's the best thing for my baby" and the baby won't develop properly if I don't). People even ask about birth plans and what will happen in the delivery room. They even have opinions on how soon is acceptable for me to start to work. Ugh...

I can't really sit and tell people to shut up about it and tell them it's none of their business. That would just be rude. But honestly, I'm to the point now that if I have questions, I'll ask. If I want advice, I'll ask. And if I want a second opinion, I'll ask. I'm not shy about it but I'd like to have some privacy. I've already decided there will only be two people who know how the baby is fed and that's me and my husband. And we'll feed the baby in the nursery with the door closed. It's going to be our private time to bond with our baby. I don't care if that makes me mean but I don't feel like there's a whole lot left that's private.

The Positives
It's taken me while but I finally see all the negatives as just another set of life experiences. And of the criticism and negative comments are just making me stronger. If I've learned anything in my life, especially since my husband's crash, it's that the people who make the negative comments are just unhappy people and are trying to make others unhappy with them. So I'm learning to just push aside the negative and use it to make me stronger and to help me focus on the positive. 

One of the biggest positives is the look on my husband's face everyday when he talks about his baby. Knowing how happy and excited he is makes all the bad bearable. I love sitting down with him and talking about baby names and what we think the baby will be like. It's so fun to daydream about it all. We've had a blast getting the nursery ready and doing little bits of shopping. I've found so many incredible deals on baby items- too good to pass them up. So the positive side to the scolding over shopping is that I've managed to save us a lot of money on quite a few baby items. Which is fantastic!

And the best part is that no matter how sick I am, how moody or how uncomfortable I am physically or with that nosy people, in six months I get to meet my baby. I get to find out if it's a boy or a girl, find the name that suits this little mini human. I get to hold my baby and see what my husband and I created. And I get to see the look of pride and pure happiness when I watch my husband hold his child for the first time. No matter how excited I am about being a mother, the best part, for me, is being able to see my husband have the chance to be the incredible father I know he'll be.

With all of the bad stuff aside (and none of it is really that bad, it's just my own personal opinions on things), I really am happy about being pregnant. All my life I have wanted three things - to be a wife, a mother and a teacher. My husband was my dream come true and I am so proud to be his wife. In about six months I get to be a mother and next June I finally get to see the end result of almost nine long years of university when I get my teaching degree. I literally will have everything I've ever wanted so I can't really complain.