Not an Ordinary...Mom?

Not an Ordinary...Mom? 07/21/11

I wrote my very first blog just a few days after my husband deployed to Afghanistan. My mind was running miles a minute in every possible direction - worrying about him while he's over there, wondering if he'd make it home alright, crying over the fact that if I lost him over there I'd lose every part of him because we had no kids. No one that was a part of him and me. That was probably one of the scariest thoughts I had the entire time he was gone. I didn't know what to do with all of those thoughts going through my head so I wrote them down. I wrote them in a journal first actually and then saw a few bloggers online and thought maybe I'd try my hand at it. So I rewrote my journal entry, published it and didn't tell anyone until a month later. I got some great feedback over the first few entries so I decided to keep up with it. Writing about my thoughts, fears and stresses about being a military wife has been such great outlet for me. Now that my husband is home and almost fully recovered from the crash, I have slowed down on my writing (and I apologize for seeming neglectful!!) but have decided it's time to open up again and start to share what's been happening with us over the past few (well nine actually) weeks. This is also going to be a really open, honest and personal entry. So here goes nothing!

I shared some amazing news back in May about my husband's surprise return from Afghanistan. That was (at the time) the single, most incredible surprise I've ever gotten in my life. Well, that's not true. It's a very close second to the day he proposed actually. But really, it was a huge and very welcomed surprise. After months of being apart and all of the stress of pre-deployment and all of the worrying after the helicopter crash, we were finally together again and life honestly was back to normal in seconds. Almost a month after he got home, on June 20th actually, we got another surprise. Probably the most incredible surprise of either of our lives- I was four weeks pregnant with our first child.
(Right about now you're probably all doing the math and trying to figure out dates so let me help you out by saying that we had a great first weekend back together and, according to doctor, the stars were aligned and something wonderful happened in those first couple of days!)  

This incredible surprise also came with quite a bit of shock to me. I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me and that a baby wouldn't really be in my future. We had been trying since last fall, with no luck, and months of disappointment really start to affect a person's mindset. Being a person with Crohn's disease, I have been on numerous harsh medicines over the years since my diagnosis, the last being one that tends to cause difficulties with conceiving and can cause miscarriages if the woman is actually able to conceive. I always had a little thing in the back of my mind telling me not to be too disappointed if a baby never happened for me. But, when I met my husband I knew right away that he was meant to be a father and I wanted nothing more than to be able to give him that opportunity. So when I took the home test and saw that it read "two - three weeks pregnant" on it, I had to rub my eyes and do a double take...and then calmly walk into the living room at 6:30 in the morning and tell him I was pregnant. I'll never forget the look on his face (that description I'm going to keep to myself).
 
The last few weeks since finding out this amazing news have been, well, kind of like a roller coaster ride. It's so hard to decide when to tell, who to tell and when to start planning and shopping. And on top of those little worries, we also get to deal with the "joys" of mood swings and morning sickness. Emotions are constantly high and low and there's almost always something to worry and wonder about. If anyone ever wanted a good relationship (and personal) test, pregnancy is it! It's been weeks of ups and downs (more ups than downs) and every day brings something new, and...special?

We're only 9 weeks in but I'm already looking forward to the end and seeing what we've created! This is all so scary, wonderful, exciting, nerve wracking, (did I mention scary?) and probably the best thing we'll every do in our lives and I'm so happy to finally be ready share the news. Needless to say, there is going to be a lot to talk about over the next seven months, and even more after that!

Stay tuned! :)